laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
