you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
