Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
