we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
