You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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