Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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