i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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