shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
