I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
