dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
