Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
