im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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