My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
