This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
