you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
