did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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