A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
