If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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