I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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