The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
