I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
