the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
