Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
