there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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