I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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