So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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