I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
