Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
North Korea, Best Korea!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
