Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
