Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
