you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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