So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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