Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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