Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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