Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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