Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
