____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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