So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
