i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
