Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
