I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
