i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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