when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
