fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
