You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
