I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
