umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
