Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
