Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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