I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
