Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
