1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
