no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
