using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
